If 'Twilight' Was 10 Times Shorter and 100 Times More Honest

[Zoe]

Rod Hilton, creator of The-Editing-Room.com brings you an abridged version of the screenplay for Twilight, the movie based on Stephanie Meyer's novel.


FADE IN:

EXT. WASHINGTON

KRISTEN STEWART goes to FORKS, WASHINGTON.

KRISTEN STEWART (V.O.)

Once upon a time, there lived an enchanting girl named Stephanie Meyer, er I mean Kristen Stewart. She was so awesome that her awesomeness couldn't be contained in Arizona, so she moved to Washington to stay with her father, who was totally lame and not cool.

BILLY BURKE

Hey honey. I'm super lame. I got you a car, but it's totally uncool because I'm totally uncool.

KRISTEN STEWART

Thanks Dad, or whatever. Time for my first day at a new school. Since every coming-of-age story requires the main character be a social outcast, I suppose I'll have to endure being the unpopular new girl until I do something that proves my worth.

KRISTEN goes to school and is INSTANTLY POPULAR AND BELOVED.

ANNA KENDRICK

Oh my God I love your hair you're so pretty will you be my new best friend?

GREGORY TYREE BOYCE

Can I take you out sometime since you're so awesome?

MICHAEL WELCH

No way you asshole, I saw her first!

KRISTEN STEWART

I'd rather watch "The Messengers" than date either of you. Why don't you go ask Anna instead?

ANNA KENDRICK

Ohmigod I'm getting Kristen's rejects, that's so awesome!

KRISTEN STEWART

Wow. I guess this is what it looks like when the unpopular fat girl's pathetic daydreams get written down and published into a bestselling book.

Read the rest of the script Here: If 'Twilight' Was 10 Times Shorter And 100 Times More Honest | Cracked.com

[Rebecca]

HAHAHA XDDDD
That was too hilarious for its own good!

[cutie_pop]

I like Twilight and enjoyed watching the movie but I gotta admit, people are pretty pathetic going on and on about how Edward is their's when really, every girl in the whole entire world is saying pretty much the same thing. That made me laugh a bit...

[Zoe]

I like Twilight and enjoyed watching the movie but I gotta admit, people are pretty pathetic going on and on about how Edward is their's when really, every girl in the whole entire world is saying pretty much the same thing. That made me laugh a bit...

That's the entire point. This horrible movie and it's equally horrible book are geared towards little girls who want to be someone else. And it works, no matter how much anyone wants to deny it. The entire project is a disaster that never should have happened.

Shame on you, Stephenie Meyer.

[AlexIsAlive]

"KRISTEN STEWART

Me? Oh, no. I'm just a hollow placeholder for all of the teenage girls in the audience to project their personalities onto. I have none of my own whatsoever."

Hallelujah.
I loved it xD

[-Ra-]

Okay, watch this short video clip, this sums up the whole movie:

tWHYlight

Ra,

[Zoe]

Okay, watch this short video clip, this sums up the whole movie:

tWHYlight

Ra,

I'm gonna die! I'm gonna pee my pants!